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dangerous utensils

I have not conducted any formal survey nor do I have any research to back up my claims, but if I took it upon myself to rank kitchen utensils in order of there ability to cause harm and/or pain they are it would probably go something like this:

  1. Knife
  2. Cheese Grater
  3. Fork
  4. Ice cream scoop
  5. Spatula
  6. Spoon

I doubt anyone will argue with me much on the items I have listed here. There could be some contention as to the exact order, but that is not incredible relevant. The fact that number 6 exists where it does is what concerns us here today. The simple fact of the matter is that I have gone through most of my life believing that the spoon was a harmless instrument of food consumption: a belief that was actually incorrect.

A couple of months ago I bought some new silverware to replace a rather hog-pog collection of flimsy and entirely “not me” flatware that I had been using since college. Most of the pieces I removed from the packaging and have been using just fine since then. One of each time of utensil however was strapped quite firmly to the front of the box as a display of what was contained within. In a fit of apathy, I left those few items in the box untouched until last week when I decided that it was time for them to be freed. With a sharp knife in hand, I proceeded to free the included knife, two forks, and a soup spoon. All of this happened without incident. Then when removing the last spoon, without a knife anywhere near, the injury occurred. Somehow, and defying all possible explanation, I succeeded in cutting my thumb open with a dinner spoon. This was no small knick either. It bled profusely for several minutes, from a spoon cut! Has the phrase “spoon cut” ever even appeared in the English language? That I don’t know. What I do know is that as it has healed I am left with distinct possible of going through life with a scare that I can attribute to a spoon. So how do I deal with the embarrassment of injuring myself with the most docile of eating utensils? I share it with the world. Sigh.

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